Unchained Thoughts...

memoirs of a lazy blogger

2005-04-24T08:41:00.000-05:00

Two months and two weeks and four days later, I am back to doodle on these pages. Yes I'm very much alive and out there. So where have I been hiding? Well....life has been really BUSY (with emphasis on the all Caps). For the last two months, at any given point of time I've had three assignments to hand in, two exams to study for, research for my thesis, attend placement seminars, and ty to squeeze a bit of personal life somewhere in between. Add to that the fact that there hasn't been anything interesting to report on the MBA front (no admits from the two schoold I really wanted to attend and lack of interest in others). That coupled with some family considerations has meant that I put my b-school plans on hold for the moment. So have also been busy planning the next couple of years of my life (the primary activity being job hunting). And whatever free time all this left me, I've spent lazing around in general. And left these pages completely unattended till a friend recently pointed out that I'd been hiding for too long. So here I am once again :-)

Thats all for now....I want to catch up with my favorite blogs today. Will post more soon.
Ciao!

What is Love?

2005-02-06T23:10:00.000-05:00

One of those emotions that I wonder about every now and then. Today I came across some wonderful thoughts on Megami’s blog. And I was surprised by the uncanny parallels between her views and mine. Like her, I too like to believe that love is something uncommon, and something very special. I too have always evaluated (the existence of) Love from two different perspectives. The Idealist in me maintains that true love is a deep emotion, that it does exist, and that I will understand it when I find it. The realist in me thinks that it’s just a four letter word that encompasses an ordinary set of emotions. Nothing special - just something you decide to say to someone when you run out of other expressions of admiration.

Although I have always had very strong ideas about what love means to me, I went through a large part of life believing the realist’s view; perhaps because I experienced love fairly late in life (by today’s standards). As a single teen, I often faced the ‘you don’t have a boyfriend??’ type of questions, making me wonder if there was something wrong with my perception of love. There were too many questions but no answers. With time, I began to fall in line with the realist’s view, perhaps more to console myself than anything else. And when love did come my way, everything changed. In a flash, my beliefs came alive, like a Pandora’s box of feelings that had been waiting to be unleashed. All the questions faded away and all my doubts vanished.

Eventually, I feel that our perspective on love depends on where we are placed on the spectrum of that emotion. While love may mean different things to different people, it is a very complex emotion, difficult to comprehend fully and perhaps impossible to explain. The best description I can think of (and this is from personal experience so may apply only to me) is overwhelming happiness, a sense of security, a sense of belonging with the other person and a strong emotional bond that stays forever. Each one of us has to feel it to know it. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe that there is a definite wisdom in not rushing things, in waiting for 'love' to happen to you when the time comes. And while it may take longer for some (like me), when it does happen, it has the power to transform your life in the most beautiful way.

Homer, William Shakespeare, Neil Diamond….

2005-02-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

…..and me!! According to Myer Briggs Type Indicator test, I am an INFP (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving), which puts me in the same group as the famous people mentioned above. INFPs are also referred to as Idealists. Here are a few excerpts from the analysis…..

Idealists are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. They are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant. They have a capacity of caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply - indeed passionately – about a few special persons. Their idealistic streak means that they are able to bond deeply with only a handful of people, who then mean the world to them. At times, this characteristic leaves them feeling isolated from the world at large.

C'est Moi...

2005-01-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

Before people forget all about me or conclude that I have abandoned my blog...thought I'd peep in and say a quick hello. Was away from the internet while on vacation. And have been neck deep...umm...make that nose deep in work since I got back. Hence the prolonged absence.

Haven't had the time to catch up with all my favotire blogs, but I hope to do that over the weekend (which looks relatively light!) Huge Congrats to all those who have admit(s) under their belts...bravo people! I am still waiting for some good news to come my way...probably over the next three-four weeks.

Gotta run now....will write more later. Ciao!

Looking forward......

2004-12-26T11:10:00.000-05:00

It's been a bumpy beginning to the holiday season. Started last Saturday when my journey back home was loaded with problems. First my bus ride from college to London took over three hours thanks to an accident on the motorway (normally its a one hour journey). Just when I heaved a sight of relief on having successfully left English soil and moved somewhat closer to home, I was informed that my connecting flight from Frankfurt was delayed by eleven hours due to fog in Delhi! And let me tell you, as fabulous as it may be, Frankfurt airport s not the best place to spend eleven hours of your holiday time (or any time for that matter!)...and more so if you’re all by yourself. So while other Indian families, couples etc. buzzed around me, I was busy trying to find different ways of entertaining myself. Most of the time my laptop emerged savior - I watched movies, surfed the net aimlessly, spammed all my friends on chat and e-mail and tried to think up alternate ways to get home sooner. I finally got home on Sunday afternoon, after spending exactly 24 hours in transit! Wonder where I can get in touch with some scientists and pursue the development of an energy transfer system for humans a la Star Trek :-)

A bigger blow came in the form of an unfavorable decision from Wharton. I must admit I was surprised at the result. I thought over it a lot but I still can’t put my finger on what went wrong. In my feedback session last year I was told that my work experience, scores, and recommendations were good, and it came down mainly to writing stronger essays. I rewrote the essays this year and thought I did a good job of presenting a well rounded picture of myself. And the interview went off well too. So I really don’t understand where I fell short. Maybe there is an element of luck involved and I didn’t score well on that front. Or maybe there’s somethig else that I am missing at the moment...in which case I hope I figure it out soon.

Anyway, all that’s over and done with now. Time to move on to other applications and have a rethink about my strategy for R2. Many thanks to all my fellow bloggers and others who posted wonderfully supportive and encouraging comments on my previous post. And another big thanks to the team of Wharton’s Admissions Blog for their good wishes! It’s a truly wonderful gesture.

Also a huge Conngrats to Britchick, Riter, Megami, GoDidiGo, and Kalki for their admits to different schools. And for those of you who are still awaiting some good news, hang in there. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel; just that the tunnel itself is a bit longer for some people.

As for me, for now I’m off to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. There is a huge reunion happening in Delhi with my brothers coming down from New York and a few close friends coming home from different parts of US. I intend to have a blast this coming week and bid farewell to 2004. It has been a very eventful year for me, but also one of several unfulfilled dreams – an unfinished goal and a love denied. Hope the new beginnings in 2005 brings better news and brighter prospects.

Here's wishing everyone a fabulous 2005!!

Oh Well....

2004-12-21T09:52:00.000-05:00

Declined admission at Wharton....time to move onwards to other schools.

Congratulations to all those who made it!

And onother one

2004-12-15T13:13:00.000-05:00

Aregon23 is IN at Cornell.....Congratulations!!!

Bravo!!

2004-12-14T18:32:00.000-05:00

A huge CONGRATS to Classy for her Cornell admit!!

Let the good news keep flooding the blogging community!

Time Stands Still...

2004-12-14T13:41:00.000-05:00

....till the Wharton decisions are released. I had promised myself that I wouldn't think about it and that for this week I would put everything else out of my mind and concentrate on my exams. But I can't help but occasionally wander into the uncertain alleys that accompany the wait for a decision.

The release date being pushed up to the 21st feels like a double edged sword. On one hand its just a week away...too freaking close!! On the other hand, this wait is killing me. So the sooner I know the better.

Hoping, praying and wishing for a happy beginning to the holidays!

Finals Week

2004-12-10T13:34:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that the first semester is nearly over! It's been an unbelievably busy three months of exploring myself anew, of discovering the highs and lows of returning to student life, of realizing that I can survive and thrive in a world where the work-life equation is sharply skewed towards the 'work' element. Next week I have my finals - one exam every day except Thursday. I will be busy round the clock with little time for anything else (including updating this blog). However, the good thing is that the week will breeze past and before I realize I will be on a flight home!!

But before I disappear for some time, I thought I'd connect with my fellow bloggers and others who might pay a visit to these pages. First off, some congratulations are in order:
To Dirty Martini for her Columbia admit!
To Chanakya for his Tuck admit!

Also a huge shout out to all those awaiting their final decision from Wharton. All the best to Britchick, Onmyway, Aregon, PowerYogi, Classy, , Riter, Wakechick and DARaver. I'm crossing my fingers for all of us!

Wharton Interview

2004-12-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

I think it went fine. The interview was conducted by a member of the admissions committee. It was an informal and relaxed chat and lasted about 30 minutes. There were nine broad questions. However, there were several offshoot questions based on my responses. The following areas were covered during the interview.

- A brief description of myself
- My career and what influenced my choices so far
- How would my workmates describe me?
- What do I do for fun?
- Why MBA?
- Some questions about my decision to reapply which also covered the why Wharton aspect
- What kind of job would I look for right after the MBA? What specific role/position?
- Anything else I'd like the committee to know?
- Anything I wanted like to ask?

Overall I am satisfied. I was honest and I was myself. Sure in retrospect I feel that could have done better on a few questions. But I don't think I need to lose sleep over it. I'm confident that I was able to paint a balanced and fair picture of myself. The rest is destiny.

I also had the pleasure of meeting Britchick, along with another fellow applicant, and chatting over a cup of coffee. As always. it was really good to meet aspiring Whartonites.

After the interview I went directly to the station and took the train back to my college; only to find a pile of class notes waiting for me! And I need to complete work on my Finance project due Monday. And I need to start studying for the finals which are less than ten days away. So I better sign off now! Promise to be back with more soon!

Ready...

2004-12-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

Suit ready - check
Shirt ironed - check
Boots polshed - check
Resume copes printed - check
Travel logistics in place - check
Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts - check

Roughly fifteen hours away from my Wharton interview....and how do I feel? Confident yet a bit nervous. I know I'm ready to face whatever questions come my way. I have gone over every aspect of my application and decided what aspects I want to bring out during the interview. And I usually communicate my thoughts well. So I'm not worried on that account. However, I also know deep down that this interview is very important for me...it is the final stretch of what has been a dream that I have believed in strongly. It is the last element that I can influence before the ball leaves my court. So tomorrow I will put forward my very best.

I'm a great believer in destiny. If things are meant to be - they will happen. My mantra for tomorrow is to relax, pray and let destiny take its course!

Eighteen days and counting...

2004-11-29T17:35:00.000-05:00

The next three weeks will undoubtedly be one of the busiest periods of my life - loaded with activites enough to keep me busy for months!

It all kicks off with my Wharton interview in London on Thursday. I have spent the last two weeks reflecting on my life, my goals, my beliefs and how i have factored them into the various elements of my application. I have read through Montauk's advice and yet decided to follow my own instincts and strategies about the interview. I have received invaluable inputs from friends, some of whom have gone out of their way to help me with my preparation. So do I feel ready? Definitely. And I intend to do as a friend of mine so wisely advised - be clear about my goals, be cool, and be myself. The rest will hopefully fall into place.

After that, I will be busy with a few assignment submissions and then step into the Finals week. I have five modules this semester and will be taking exams almost back to back. So I don't see any rest or relaxation happening until Dec 17 which is the last day of my finals.

Then on it's CELEBRATION TIME!! On 18th I'm flying back home for the Christmas break. Mom has planned loads of good home-cooked meals! My friends have scheduled random parties or meetings almost every day. Plus...I plan to hit all my favorite spots in Delhi, eat at my favorite 'Indian Chinese' restaurant, shop loads, and sleep uninterrupted. Sounds like a plan!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2004-11-25T08:47:00.000-05:00

New friends, new opportunities, a journey of self discovery... just a few of the many many things that I am thankful for this year.

Best wishes to everyone. Have a great thanksgiving weekend!

Pleased as a Punch

2004-11-19T15:22:00.000-05:00

That pretty much describes my current state of mind :-)
The arrival of the much awaited e-mail from Wharton has lifted my spirits to a new high. Feels great to have successfully crossed over to the next threshold.

I must admit that I would have been terribly disappointed with myself if Wharton didn’t find my application interesting enough to want to meet me. More so since I got a very positive feedback last year and did my best to better my application along those lines. So well…for now I am happy!

I've booked myself for a Hub interview in London on December 2. I’m really looking forward to meeting members of the AdCom. And it so turns out that Britchick will be at the same Hub interview…so am looking forward to meeting her as well!

Admissions Status Update

2004-11-17T11:37:00.000-05:00

Yippeee!!!

Just received my interview invite from Wharton! Am still dancing around the room so won't write much for the moment. Just best wishes to my fellow bloggers Britchick, Onmyway, Aregon, and PowerYogi for their interviews. Let's crack 'em people!!

Nothing in particular

2004-11-07T20:55:00.000-05:00

Have been slammed with work for the last couple of weeks. A plethora of assignment deadlines and mid-term tests have kept me incredibly busy. And this is just a pre-course to brush up my knowledge before I start the MBA...wonder what that's gonna be like!!!

While on the topic of B-Schools, the Wharton invites have started rolling out, but I haven't been on the receiving end yet. There's a funny feeling in my stomach that refuses to go. And the highly infectious anxiety thats going around is not helping matters either! All my fellow bloggers are conspicuous by their silence on the blogs. Lets keep the faith people - there are many invites still left to go. And of course a huge congratulations to Britchick for receiving her invite and all the best for the interview!

On a different note, I had a rather unusual experience yesterday. I had a really detailed dream about a particularly wonderful evening that I spent with a friend of mine - down to the precise details of the things we spoke about and what we ate! Now this was quite a while back and I didn't realize that I remembered all these details....must be the subconscious. And if that wasn't strange enough, first thing in the morning I end up speaking to that very person, purely by chance! Fate? Or just a coincidence? I don't know. But surely felt quite strange!

Jon Huntsman @ Wharton

2004-11-01T02:04:00.000-05:00

Here's an article from the latest Wharton Journal which describes John Huntsman's recent visit to the school. His truly inspiing talk only reinforces the tremendous value of a Wharton education - which does not end with those three magic letters against your name or your dream job on Wall Street, but stays with you throughout your life and career.

Paei O Prutos Mhnas

2004-10-28T16:21:00.000-05:00

Nope, I haven’t forgotten how to spell. ‘Paei O Prutos Mhnas’ means ‘there goes the first month’ in Greek (of course I’m using the English script here for simplicity’s sake).

So...I’ve been in the UK for exactly a month now. I almost can’t believe it…seems like just yesterday that I arrived here! The last thirty days have been amazingly busy - adjusting to a new country and lifestyle (for the uninitiated, this is the first time that I’m living away from home), getting used to the unpredictable UK weather, working on the applications, tuning myself to a hectic student life, learning from an extremely talented, accomplished and accessible faculty, meeting students from all over the world, shopping, partying, making friends.…I could go on forever! Anyways, I thought I’d write a quick note to let my dairy and all you guys know that I made it through the first month!!

And in case you’re wondering why I wrote the title in Greek …well that’s one of the perks of being part of an international student body. One of my good friends here is a Greek, and I thought we’d take this opportunity to teach each a bit of the other’s language. So while he goes around greeting people with ‘namaste’ (that’s hello in Hindi), I’m celebrating the fact that paei o prutos mhnas!!!

False Alarms!!

2004-10-27T17:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm totally at the edge of my seat since I submitted my Wharton application. Any e-mail bearing the Wharton name just completely freaks me out! I jumped the other day when I received the Wharton Journal e-mail edition. But that this was before the R1 closing date; and the e-mail clearly mentoned 'Wharton Journal' on the subject. ..so no luck! And today I totally freaked out when I saw a mail from Wharton MBA Operations...BUT it was just a feedback request for the London reception. So false alarm again!!

I really need to calm down a bit....maybe it's time to resume my yoga and meditation practice.

Not my kind of weekend!

2004-10-25T13:05:00.000-05:00

To begin with I was quite unwell and so missed my classes and slept through most of Friday. Which meant that I was swamped with loads of reading and assignments for the next two days. Saturday is when I do my weekly cleaning and laundry...so that ate into a few hours of study time. And before I knew it, the day was over and I still had truckloads to do.

Sunday was more productive work wise. I managed to complete all the studying that was due and was also able to squeeze in some reading for next week! But that was the good part. Unfortunately I was also feeling extremely homesick on Sunday....its not the the first time thats happened since I got here, but it wasn't so bad before! I really really missed my family and friends and it was worse because I couldn't talk to any of them due to time zone differences. So I went to bed feeling very lonely and low!

However, looking for the learnings in this experience, I've realized that I need to take some steps to ensure that I don't have any more days like these. First off, I will be more careful about shutting my window at night (and thereby avoid catching a cold). Will also make it a point to chat with my folks and my friends as frequently as possible (so that takes care of the homesickness). And, last but certainly not the least, I will come back to these pages more often. Because what I've also realized is that blogging an extremely palliative activity!

Sleepless....

2004-10-20T20:20:00.000-05:00

It's 2:30 AM and I just finished my statistics assignment. On any other day, I would hit bed at this point considering that I've been up since 7:00 AM and that I had a three hour Economics class. But there are several reasons why I can't sleep today.

Reason one - there's a massive storm blowing outside, the sounds of which are rather unsettling (the hurricanes are not scheduled to visit the UK are they???).

Reason two - Wharton starts sending out the interview invites from tomorrow (err..technically today). So the butterflies in my tomach are getting restless and my hormones are acting up.

Reason three - I have a nasty fever and headache, both of which are preventing me from going ahead with my slumber.

And all the above mentioned reasons are responsible for this fairly dry and uninteresting post. But hey, I'm a socially responsible woman! Hence I am stopping myself here....won't bore you any further. Am going to direct my creative (??) energies towarsds the next best use of my time - which right now is running the antivius software on my laptop. So off I go!

The emotion that binds

2004-10-18T17:11:00.000-05:00

Anxiety more often than not tends to bring people together. Whether it’s students expecting their exam scores, families awaiting the arrival of newborns, the spectators of a football game (or any other game for that matter), or those affected by unfortunate incidents like 9/11 – people invariably collaborate during anxious times to form support networks and help each other.

As an applicant, I have received tremendous support from fellow applicants. The blogging community has been particularly amazing - bringing together a wonderful set of people who are ever so ready to share information and experiences, to lend a friendly ear to a troubled soul, or to extend a helping hand to another. It’s been wonderful to discover so many people who I could turn to, and even more rewarding to discover that I too could help some people in my own little ways!

The Wharton S2S Board is perhaps the best (and strongest) support network available for applicants. Not just because it’s run by the school itself and gives us access to the Adcom members, but also because it has genuinely meaningful and informative discussions (as opposed to forums like Businessweek). The board has also exposed me to a side of the school that the brochures and information sessions could never have explained. It has given me a chance to experience first hand the kind of people who would make up a Wharton MBA class. Anywez…I digress. So coming back to this whole bonding thing – the closing of R1 has seen the population on the board soar ten fold…with people looking for support, solace, hope or merely trying not to kill themselves over the wait. I’m really thankful for the board…it does help one deal with the pressure.

Well that’s about all I have time for today. Better get back to work now. Have to wrap up the remaining bits of my Stanford application tonight and finish my accounting assignment due tomorrow. And of course…have to hit the S2S as well!! See you guys there!

Wharton application - the beginning

2004-10-14T14:30:00.000-05:00

So my Wharton application is in. But this is just the beginning- of mixed emotions, anxious times, and the unbearable wait! Is it just me or did other people also proofread their application three hundred and forty seven times, AFTER submitting it? And this after already having read it three hundred and forty seven times before hitting the submit button!!

But having crossed the first threshhold, I'm really excited about the days ahead. Working on the application was an amazing learning experience and I feel more ready for the MBA than ever before. Yet there are so many questions in my mind ...will the adcom find my application interesting enough? Did I talk enoough about who I am? Did I differentialte myself? Will it click? Aaaarrgh!! This will drive me crazeee!! So I've decided to try my best not to think about these things too much. Just hope and pray that my dreams come true!

Yep....I'm still around!

2004-10-09T19:22:00.000-05:00

Feels great to be back on these pages after what seems like eternity. My already busy life has taken a turn for the busier. I can’t really say busiest because I’ve realized that “busiest” is a progressive amount. Six months back I felt that my life was the busiest ever with crazy work schedules and the applications; then I returned to academia and now it’s even busier than those busiest days. Then again, when I hear the accounts of my friends who are in the first year of MBA, my life seems a joyride in comparison. So you see…one can never really speak in the superlative.

Also feels good to have completed the first week of full-fledged classes. Most of the subjects are totally new for me…so I wrestled a bit with the first accounts assignment, got a major kick cracking the problems in the quantitative analysis class, went wild with the financial economics case study and gaped and blinked during the statistics lesson. But having done all that and having come out of the experiences with nice memories, I am now looking forward to the next week of classes, homework, presentations and case studies.

That is not to say that I did not have fun outside class. The campus is always alive and buzzing with numerous parties, socials, movies, dances, trips etc. happening every day. It is impossible to get bored. So far I have attended three different welcome parties, a karaoke night, a Greek theme party, an Indian Curry night and two movies. And I’ve met an amazing variety of people from the MBA class, the engineering school, the defence services school, the school for biochemistry and so on. Every day I’m learning something about different countries and cultures!

That’s it for now folks. The application deadlines are round the corner and I have quite a few things to wrap up. Best of luck to all my fellow bloggers and other applicants who are submitting their applications this month!

Enter the madness

2004-09-30T18:26:00.000-05:00

Okay…so I’m back to school again. It isn’t as tough as I had imagined it would be…it’s tougher!! For starters I have to come to terms with the fact that even after doing finance related work for two long years, I don’t know much about finance. They never told me that you need to be fluent in calculus…or that you must understand how one derives the formula to calculate the present value of a growing perpetuity. In the professional world, we use software programs to do most any kind of analysis or calculation. In academia – we have to understand what the program is doing. And frankly, that’s a lot more interesting that pressing a few keys here and there and saying voila! So my grey cells are having fun- working round the clock and feeling extremely accomplished at the end of each day.

The other thing is that after getting used to the wonderfully carefree office environment (yes!! that’s what it seems like now!), it’s a bit of a challenge to sit through three hour classes and grasp every bit of information that’s being thrown at you (by the way these are pre-course classes). At first I thought I was in the wrong program or that probably they made a mistake by admitting me- till I realized everyone else felt the same way. “Happens at first” – said our accounts professor; “but it gets better” (better meaning tougher I’m sure). But it’s fun nonetheless.

The good thing is that my applications are near finished. This weekend, I’ll give my Wharton and Tuck apps one final read and submit them. Stanford will take a bit more time, but I’m not worried. I should be through well before the deadline. I’m really glad I worked on the essays before getting here. Can’t imagine how I would have managed with the truckload of things that I have to do now!!

That’s all for now. Time to do some homework!

Chapped Lips, Microwave Dinner and Wireless Internet

2004-09-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

Hello from London!! Reached here early this morning; had a comfortable and peaceful journey. The only form of adventure revolved around my suitcases. My goodness...they were H-E-A-V-Y! Guess I went a bit overboard after hearing the additional baggage allowance for students. You should have seen me wrestling to get them off the belt and on to the trolley. I needed every iota of strength that I had built up during my kickboxing lessons.

The weather’s wonderful here …although a bit dry and hence the chapped lips. But the pleasant temperature of twelve degrees and the cool breeze make it very comfortable to explore the city. Took a walk through the Hyde Park and also saw the Buckingham Palace (both these places are a stone’s throw away from where I’m staying). Was too tired to venture out to farther off places. Perhaps tomorrow.

Later in the afternoon I decided to go pick up my laptop. As advised by some friends here, I went to an electronics store on Oxford Street – and literally felt like a child in a candy store! I have never ever seen so many amazing machines under one roof! Thankfully, I had already decided which model to buy…else it would have taken me the entire day to compare options and decide. So now I’m the proud owner of a sleek Sony Vaio notebook. And I’m absolutely overwhelmed by the wireless internet service here!! This might seem strange to people in US (and UK), but for us country bumpkins from India the wireless broadband internet service is a supreme luxury!! So I freaked out with it all afternoon- downloading programs, applications and music that my connection at home could never handle. Yahoo messenger downloaded in 5 minutes flat! Took almost an hour through my dial up connection back home!! So you realize how privileged I feel?

Evening was a bit slow. Being all alone in an apartment is a new concept for me. Was bored big time and really missed home…my family, my dog, my friends, everything! And most of all I missed the food! Although I’m a fairly decent cook and can whip up a four course meal if required, cooking for myself is not something that excites me. And neither does dining out alone. So I grabbed some microwave dinner and finished the remaining pages of The Alchemist, which I had started reading on the flight.

Through the storm into the calm (for now at least)

2004-09-22T05:37:00.000-05:00

Have been absent from these pages for quite a while. So what was I upto? Firstly, was off the internet because my modem blew up I had to find someone knowledgeable enough to do the honors. My hardware expertise is limited to matching the device plugs with the correct sockets and occasionally formatting a hard drive. Anything beyond that is Greek. So that took a few days.

Next I made a trip to college to get my transcripts attested. The registrar was very co-operative and I had everything stamped signed and sealed in 30 minutes. Just when I was about to congratulate myself on this accomplishment….something interesting happened. You see, the transcript envelopes have to be stamped with the official seal of the college. So I landed up in the ‘administrative office’ where this would be done. And guess what I heard? “It can’t be done today. The junior staff is on strike.” Excuse me? It’s just a freaking seal!! Anyone could do it. By the way there were five people present in the office at the time (senior staff I presume). I tried to reason with them…even offered to do the job myself if they would just give me the seal. No luck. It appears that the people on strike also confiscate their keys lest anyone else access their domain. So sorry- no seal available. Predictably, I had a very frustrating drive back home (which incidentally takes over an hour) and an equally frustrating drive back the next day. Anyhow, the transcript issue was ‘sealed’.

Then was the last bit of packing – books. When I thought that deciding on the right amount/combination of clothes was a challenge, I could not have imagined how tough it would be to choose an appropriate set of books to accompany me. Before I go ahead, let me tell you that I’m absolutely crazy about reading and there are often times when I wish I had more than one brain so that I could read and absorb different books simultaneously. So the choosing exercise was an uphill battle. In the end, I’ve put together a fairly ‘balanced’ set of books to carry. Here’s what it finally looks like:
The Dilbert Collection
Conversations with God I and II
Fountainhead (have read twice but love to go back to certain pages once in a while)
The Alchemist (again love going back to it every now and then)
Orient Book of Quotations (OK so I’m a quotes freak)
Prison Diaries II (yet to read)
P.G. Wodehouse - Something Fresh (yet to read)
Far From the Maddening Crowd (just started reading…again)
The McKinsey Mind (currently reading)
Principle Centered Leadership (currently reading)
Snapshots from Hell (to keep reminding myself what B-school has in store)
Richard Montauk’s book
Various B-school viewbooks
Some books on Accounts and Economics

And did mention how I fit these into my already overloaded suitcases? Umm…never mind. That will take one full post. So maybe later.

Apart from that, was busy catching up with friends over numerous lunches, dinners and coffees; savoring each moment left in the city grew up in (it’s a strange bond really!); eating my favorite home cooked meals; getting all sentimental about my family, my dog, my room, my car….you get the drift.

Now I’m all set to leave…and that too with more than twenty four hours to spare! Am impressed with myself. So the last ten days were nothing short of a pandemonium; so I haven’t slept more than five hours on any day; so I don’t even know how I wrapped up things. But the point is that everything’s done! Over! Finito! Tomorrow night I fly off to London.

Existential Angst

2004-09-14T10:31:00.000-05:00

I must admit that I’m a bit edgy these days. “Pre-departure jitters” as a few experienced friends tell me. So what’s the deal you ask? Well…little over a week from now, I will be heading off to college in the UK. And the uneasy feeling of moving out of my comfort zone is slowly setting in. The last few weeks have been spent preparing for the move – finalizing my travel plans, acquiring a UK mobile phone and connection (a million thanks to my ex-colleagues at our London office), migrating my bank account, reading us as much as I can on Cranfield, packing (I am beginning to realize what a daunting task it is), catching up with friends and basically enjoying the last few days of comfort that remain!! I had also planned to catch up on sleep as much as possible, but that’s not happened. With so much to do every day, each hour spent sleeping feels like a waste of valuable time. Am I going crazy? I don’t know. But I do know that the more I get used to ‘less sleep’ the better prepared I will be for B-School next year.

Speaking of which, work on my first round applications is almost over. The online applications for Wharton, Stanford and Tuck are done. Three essays are ‘closed’, three under review and the remaining ones are nearing completion. While revising and re-revising the drafts, I am beginning to understand the extent to which effective communication is a function of the presentation style. Having well structured ideas in one’s head is one thing; conveying them to the reader in a way that leaves a lasting impression is quite another. These days, most of my revisions involve auditing the way I present thoughts. Objective: To make the essays come alive and ‘talk’ to the readers. Lesson learnt: simplicity and a good structure can really do wonders (while keeping the essay within an acceptable word count).

So, in roughly a month’s time, the AdComs will be reading my applications. Am I nervous? OF COURSE!! But am also extremely excited and totally looking forward to the anxious times!

I just had to blog about this!

2004-09-09T01:41:00.000-05:00

It’s official now. I’m an IDIOT when it comes to handling compliments about my looks. Tell me you love my sense of humor and I’ll be damn pleased; tell me I have good taste in clothes and I’ll feel great; but tell me I’m pretty and I’ll most probably choke on my drink! Don’t get me wrong - I think I look fine (tell me one woman who doesn’t?). But somehow I don’t think ‘pretty’ is a fitting adjective. So whenever someone comes along and says something to that effect I find myself fumbling and unable to dish out the appropriate reaction. I mess up BIG TIME!

This morning, I was at the bookstore flipping through the pages of a Paulo Coelho, when I got this uneasy feeling of being watched. I looked up and found myself staring into the eyes of this guy who was looking intently in my direction. Would you believe I said something stupid like ‘umm...can I help you?’(wonder what happened to a simple ‘Hi’). So he says “wanted to check out that book you’re reading”. Pretty normal; except for the fact that there were three other copies lying on the shelf. Why are men so unprepared for the obvious? I mean if I was planning to stare away at someone in broad daylight (that too from close quarters), the least I’d do was keep a few excuses handy in case the person in question decided to stare back. Anyways, I smiled nicely and pointed in the direction of the shelf. At this point, if I was him, I would have picked up the copy from the shelf and got going. But nope! Persistent guy - grins sheepishly and says “OK you got me there! Actually was surprised to find someone pretty like you interested in philosophy”. Whoa! Too direct and a bad choice of words. Before I could stop myself, I had (politely mind you) blurted out “excuse me? and how would the two be connected?” Now you possibly can’t get dumber than that. Here’s this nice looking fellow paying me a compliment and rather than thank him I decide to cross-examine! An awkward moment followed when I couldn't find words and he murmured something incoherent. Then I managed to gather some sense and laugh. It eased the air somewhat and I directed the conversation to Coelho. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then went off our own ways. Whew! Decent ending.

I really feel like kicking myself. Why on earth can’t I handle these situations normally? Like smile sweetly, perhaps say a quick thank you and move on. Instead, I turn around and grill the guy. Shoot me!

Shifting to Top Gear

2004-09-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

Wharton - T minus 38 days
Tuck - T minus 42 days
Stanford - T minus 52 days

The countdown has begun for my first set of submissions. And progress on the applications have have started catching good speed. Looking back at the past two months, I think I have spent the more time 'thinking' about the applications that actually working on them. Somewhat like assembling a jigsaw - picking out important pieces (events) of my life, figuring out where each one fits into the picture, interlocking them and finally completing the picture. That done, the process has now reduced to visting and re-visiting the picture and picking out different pieces to elaborat on. Of course, I admit that the writng process hasn't exactly been a joyride either. My initial essays took numerous drafts to reach a respectable state. But with time I've discovered effective ways of expressing my thoughts on paper - both concisely and well. This has also come in handy for parts of the applications where you need to put down achievements, activities, hobbies or special interests in a fairly limited number of words.

This week, I've nearly completed Wharton's online application; just need to complete the activities section and a couple of supplemental questions. The essays are in the review process right now and should be ready for upload shortly. Thursday, I started working on the Tuck essays and they are shaping up remarkably quickly. The goals essay is ready for review (after writing two essays about this theme, the arrangement of events are now very clear in my mind) and the leadership essay is near complete. As for other parts of Tuck's application, work on the recommendations is underway (my evaluators have been simply wonderful!) and plan to start filling out the online application around Tuesday.

Another thing catching speed is packing. And I'm beginning to realize what a daunting task that is. My parents literally keep away from my room during the day for the fear of bumping into suitcases, tripping over clothes or stepping on something breakable. The well organized person that I am, I drew up detailed lists of things that I need to take - clothes, books, music, accessories, toileteries blah blah blah. But where fitting them into suitcases is concerned, my orgaizational skilled seem to have failed me badly! In a way, it's like writing the first essay - too much material for the space; so now I have to prioritize things, question the inclusion of each item and hopefully arrive at the ideal combination of things that will sail me through!

Essay advice from Stanford

2004-09-02T22:48:00.000-05:00

Here is an article by the Stanford's admissions director on how to approach their essays. Some excellent advice there. Particularly what he said about differentiating yourself through your essays...here's the excerpt...

"one of the most good-spirited but misguided pieces of advice is "Tell the admissions committee what makes you unique" in your essays. This often leads applicants to believe that you need to have accomplishments or feats that are unusual or different than your peers (e.g., traveling to an exotic place or talking about a tragic situation in your life). How are you to know which of your experiences are unique when you know neither the backgrounds of the other applicants nor the topics they have chosen? What makes you unique is not that you have had these life-altering experiences, but rather how and why your perspective has changed or been reinforced as a result of those and other everyday experiences. That is a story that only you can tell. If you concentrate your efforts on telling us who you are, differentiation will occur naturally"

Figuring out the Superlatives

2004-08-31T16:26:00.000-05:00

For me, the toughest essays are the ones which ask you to choose among intangibles. Topics like ‘what value matters most’ or ‘what are you most passionate about’, really give me sleepless nights. I find it quite difficult to compare across a set of values or compare different passions and decide which is the most significant.

Let me explain with a hypothetical example. Let’s assume that the values that are important to me are self-respect, success, and happiness. To rank them in order of importance is close to impossible because (a) they are not on a comparable plane – it’s like comparing apples to oranges and (b) because they are interdependent in some way or another. Self-respect is a function of both success and happiness; success, depending on how one defines it, can be closely related to happiness; and one’s level of happiness is dependent, to a certain extent, on success. In this scenario, to decide which of the three values means the most to me becomes a fairly daunting task!

The same goes for passions. Suppose I’m passionate about my goals, I’m passionate about a relationship, and I’m passionate about my values (notice how passions and values are interdependent as well!). Am I more passionate about my goals than my values (or vice versa)? No way! Would I slip up on my values for a relationship (or vice versa)? I don’t think so. Comparing goals to a relationship is even more tricky because one of my goals is to be in a good relationship. Once again I’m down to choosing among things that are mutually entwined! Ideally, I wouldn’t want to choose any one of my valus or passions over othera. Rather, I would strive to strike a balance between them. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?

Gmail Invites

2004-08-31T00:47:00.000-05:00

I have quite a few Gmail invites left with me. Anyone from the blogging community interested, just leave me a comment with your e-mail.

A Wharton Initiative

2004-08-31T00:45:00.000-05:00

The Wharton Admissions Blog is now live! It's an excellent resource for all B-School applicants, pooling together some of the best information and interactive forums from across the web.

Come September

2004-08-31T00:43:00.000-05:00

We're about to enter the last quarter of the year already? Where on earth did the days go?? Seems like just yesterday that I was researching B-schools, requesting information packets, meeting stdents and alumni, and trying to balance all that with a crazy work schedule. Now so much time has elapsed and so much has happened. I've gone back to being a student, fallen in love (with the idea of going to B-school), learnt a tremendous amount about myself through the introspective exercises, met many wonderful people from the B-School community, made some fabulous new friends, started blogging and discovered that I can write (!!!), met some more wonderful people and, as I write this, am working my pea-sized brain overtime to capture my life and dreams on paper and tell the B-schools about the person I am. Whew! That’s a truckload of events! No wonder I didn’t realize when (and how) I rolled out of April and reached the end of August.

The week that was

2004-08-30T13:12:00.000-05:00

I’ve mainly been revising my essays. The Columbia set is now ready. And the smaller essays, whose word counts I was cribbing about, have actually turned out quite well! The word limit imposed a certain level of discipline, which in turn has helped develop very crisp stories. I’ve also put my ideas down for the Tuck essays. The first one – the case analysis essay - has consumed the most time and thought. The rest are fairly standard – a goals essay, one on leadership, one on values/ethical challenge and an open ended one under ‘additional info’. I’ve got stories in place for all of them, but am yet to start writing.

Then, I managed to catch up on some reading. Dan Brown (of DaVinci Code fame) kept my nerves on edge with his trademark suspense in 'Deception Point'. Throughout the book I followed the clues carefully and tried to figure out things. But the trump card had been saved for the end. Incredible how the story eventually tuned out! If Mr Brown sent my gray cells spinning, Steven Covey restored calm. 'Principle Centred Leadership' poses some amazing questions and ideas to think about! Am not through with the book yet, but I would recommend it to every B-School aspirant.

Also attended a fundraiser fair held by the Spastics Society of India. The stuff on display was simply fabulous –ethnic Indian handicrafts, a variety of bangles, pashmina shawls, terracotta (burnt-mud) artifacts and loads more! I picked up some scented candles and a beautiful Chinese wind-chime. But what I loved most (and bought most of) were things made by spastic children – a paper mache pen holder, some handmade paper envelopes and cushion covers. Was really impressed by the quality of work of these children – the neatness and attention to detail in these products are easily comparable to the best in the market.

Oh...and did I mention that there was a fortune teller as well? She was dressed like a gypsy (chunky jewellery, loads of make-up) and was getting rave reviews from her customers. But I decided to pass. I’m not much of a believer as far as astrology and predictions are concerned. Besides, there’s this excitement about the unknown that I prefer not to kill.

Tête-à-têtes, MBA Stuff and Studies

2004-08-24T13:52:00.000-05:00

That more or less sums up this weekend. Whatever dreams I had of enjoying life when I quit my job have remained just that – dreams. At least, when I was working, I kept track of weekends and made sincere efforts to enjoy them. Now, with every day being a holiday, I seem to have lost the enthusiasm to plan for the weekend; which invariably means that I either end up in front of the computer monitor working on my applications or go scouting all over town for some odd chore or the other. Sigh! Whatever happened to those carefree days when I could spend hours reading or watching films or chatting with friends, without a care in the world! On second thoughts, I don’t think I could go back to those days again…I’m too used to being busy now.

Anyway, coming back to the weekend. Friday morning I had a meeting with one of my recommenders (my supervisor from work). I had sent across the recommendation forms for Wharton (last year’s), Stanford, Tuck and Columbia to him earlier. I was really impressed to find that he had gone through each of the forms in detail! I didn’t expect him to have specific questions ready for me. We went over some of my projects and assignments together; discussed some areas where he needed my inputs and I explained the basic philosophy of each school and how I envisioned an education from each to benefit me. I also gave him a copy each of my Why MBA essay for Wharton and Stanford. That done, the discussion naturally moved over to office activities. So many new things have been happening….I really miss being a part of them!! So we talked and talked and talked. And throughout I kept saying “yeah…our department needed that”; “that’ll really help our XYZ project” or “we need to beef up those areas….” Funny how, unconsciously, I still consider myself a part of it all.

Friday evening I met up with a fellow applicant who was in town. It was good to be able to put a face to the person I had been corresponding with for the last four months. We spent a minute and a quarter each talking about ourselves and spent the rest of the time discussing the schools. It turned out that both of us have similar interests in terms of majors – so a few of our target school were overlapping. Nonetheless, our reasons for selecting each did differ in most cases. While he considered the program strength and placement prospects of a certain school to be its most attractive features, I considered the learning environment to be its biggest draw. I guess that’s why it’s important to think carefully about why you want to go to a particular school. There will always be a reason that’s specific to you. Then he told me about his recent visit to Stanford (lucky guy!!!)…and after hearing his first account of the campus, the people etc…I’m even more excited about the place!!

Saturday was ‘study day’. I started my morning by reading through the first chapter of my textbook and after a few hours, felt every bit like the “poet” who Peter Robinson describes in ‘Snapshots from Hell’. I mean, here I was, a student of science – well versed in calculus and complex equations from physics and chemistry – struggling to make sense of fairly simple looking figures on two sides of a line that ran across the centre of the page. Welcome to ‘double entry book keeping’! A few friends had warned me that I would have a bumpy start, but nobody mentioned speed breakers! Even before I reached page five, I had begun to seriously doubt my grasping abilities. Anyhow, after wrestling with the numbers for a while I finally managed to grasp some of what the author war trying to say (sheer luck I’m sure!). But by then, my self confidence was already looking for a place to bury itself. So, I decided to dedicate the rest of my day to studying and did little else.

Sunday was lighter because the main things on my agenda were the Stanford essays. After some minor revisions, I think they are now ready for a final round of review. That done, I filled out a large chunk of Stanford’s online application. Also ran some errands for mom and went shopping for a few things that I need to carry with me to the UK. And that’s about it. Some weekend that was…couldn’t even enjoy the wonderful rains. And now I feel so exhausted! Hope I manage to catch some rest this week.

Let’s start at the very beginning…

2004-08-20T11:18:00.000-05:00

I had almost forgotten how much I loved new textbooks – the smell of fresh ink, the crisp rustle of the pages and the sheer excitement of the information that lay within! It all came back to me today as I flipped through my first coursebook – The Meaning of Company Accounts. This is a totally new subject for me, so I’m as nervous as I’m excited. Over the next few weeks, I have to read up on accounting models, company bookkeeping, return on investment, profit measurement, stock valuation etc etc. Oh dear…am feeling a bit dizzy out here!! And this is supposed to be just ‘ground work’ to prepare myself for a smooth transition into the Masters in Finance program! Something tells me I’m going to have an interesting year ahead.

‘We recommend that students with no accounting background buy the textbook and read chapters one through seven, and work on a few practice problems from each’. The mail came two days back and threw my plans for this weekend completely out of gear. Now, the Stanford essays will have to accommodate a new companion - Fundamental accounting concepts!

Tuck Application Out

2004-08-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

Tuck has released its complete application and the online version can be accessed here.

The essay topics are really exciting, especially the first one which is basically a case analysis. This is the last lot of essays that I'll be working on for R1. So I'm both charged up and anxious. Time to get cracking!

It's raining blogs

2004-08-18T03:42:00.000-05:00

We bloggers have just gone a lot more public! Till now, my blog would have been read largely by the 'MBA Blogging Community' or other B-School related audience; apart form instances where someone Googles me and reaches my blog, the chances of which happening are very very slim (bordering on nil). But now with the new Blogger toolbar on the top, just about anyone could reach my blog with a simple click on 'next blog'. I explored this link from several different blogs and realized that the next blog is thrown up at random, bearing no connection to the previous. I stumbled upon all kinds of blogs - a Spanish one, another one in a language that I didn't recognize, a musician's blog, and even a blank blog!!

I have mixed feelings about this feature. While it's good to have access to diverse perspectives, I'm not too sure whether the woman whose seemingly private dairy entry I read, would approve of the idea. The same goes for me - while sharing my experiences with others who can relate to my situation is one thing, knowing that 'anybody' could be reading this is another deal altogether. There are all kinds of minds lurking on the world wide web. Nonetheless, I'm not changing my approach to the blogging process or anything...just that I'm a wee bit uncomfortable about this new aspect.

C’est Bien!

2004-08-17T15:44:00.000-05:00

Some productive work done this weekend - I got two of my essays reviewed by a friend of mine. He’s a HBS alum and a very talented writer. He had reviewed my Wharton essays last year…ummm well actually he ripped apart the initial drafts of my Wharton essays last year, based on which I had re-worked them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go back to him for further feedback because my timing coincided with his exams. This time round, his only advice to me before I started writing was – “be sincere, write simple”. And I’ve tried to stick to that in all my drafts.

So I sent across my W1 and S1 to him on Friday. Must admit I’m quite pleased about the ‘largely positive’ feedback (particularly because he’s not someone who minces words; very candid about his opinions). He said that the Wharton one actually surprised him, compared with what I had written last year (I still can’t believe you saved that draft S!!). He said this essay is much more focused and strong (read convincing) on the why MBA and why Wharton areas. More importantly, it sounds earnest, which according to him is a huge scorer. Apart from a few small observations, he said the essay is good! So I’m quite kicked. In retrospect, I guess I wasn’t as clear about my goals last year as I am today. The last four-five months have given me some very valuable experiences which have made me re-examine my life and set new directions for my future. Today I’m very clear about why I want an MBA now and what will follow; I’m sure that reflects in the essay. Of course I have another friend of mine (again a very gifted writer) to thank for this; for going through my initial drafts and giving me some amazing feedback. His inputs and suggestions have been invaluable for shaping this essay into what it is today.

The Stanford one needs some more work though. He said that the content is interesting because, according to him, I have an unconventional response to ‘what matters most’ (this he says from his experience of critiquing around ten Stanford essays in the last two years). So the essay captures interest very early on – and that’s good. Of course what follows should be equally (or more) interesting…which it is by and large. However he suggested I revisit some areas – like a couple of points that need to be supported with examples; some others that tend to repeat something that I’ve already said earlier. Apart from that, the flow is smooth and coherent. So that’s good. Now I know this essay can differentiate me from other applicants, as long as I articulate my thoughts well. So I’m going to concentrate on this on priority. Hopefully I’ll have the final draft ready by the weekend.

As far as the second essays are concerned, the one for Wharton is a bit personal and talks about some aspects of my life that I’m not comfortable having others pore over. So that’ll have to wait to be reviewed till I decide who I’m comfortable sharing the information with. And the second one for Stanford is ninety percent complete. I’m going to work on it along with the first one and wrap it up by the weekend. Then time for another round of review!

Updates on the applications

2004-08-14T06:56:00.000-05:00

This week I've been somewhat slack about my B-school apps, primarily due to major time mismanagement on my part. With the number of things on my to-do list increasing by the day, I need to work out some strict schedules (and stick to them) to ensure that my applcations don't suffer. So, I've decided to keep a weekly update report to monitor my progress and work out schedules accordingly.

Progress so far...
Wharton
Online Application - to be released next week
Essays - All ready for review
Recommendations - Given last year's forms to recommenders for review

Stanford
Online Application - roughly 40% complete
Essays - First one ready for review; working on the second one
Recommendations - Given forms to recommenders for review; will discuss next week

Columbia
Online Application - not yet started
Essays - First three ready for review; working on the last one
Recommendations - not yet downloaded the forms

These are the three main ones that I want to submit in R1, apart from Tuck whose application and essays will be released early September.

More Action

2004-08-13T23:24:00.001-05:00

I got another packet from Cranfield in the mail yesterday. This, I presume, is the last of their mailings before term starts. Thankfully there aren't any more study materials or assignments. This is more like a logistics management guide. The first thing I pulled out was a large, colorful campus map – detailed down to cycling tracks and cash dispensers of various banks! I must admit that I’m quite impressed with the range of facilities available on campus –a medical center, fitness center, car-rental, post office, grocery stores, restaurants, and even a fire station among others! I don’t think I’ll need to step out much (am sure I’ll be particularly thankful for this during the chilly winter). But I do intend to drive down to London occasionally - so I checked out the cars available on rent and found the one that I drive currently is in the lot. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy a different car, but it’s a bit of a challenge to keep figuring out where various controls are located while keeping an eye on the road map as well! The other good thing is that in UK they drive on the same side of the road as in India. So I won’t have to go through the massive confusion that I once encountered in a right-side-drive country.

The Cranfield University guide is a fat book with details of practically everything about campus life. There’s a pre-registration guide to help students keep all necessary materials ready so that the registration process is short and smooth; a rough outline of student expenses (which is quite a bit, although the on-campus accommodation offers subsidized rent and saves me internet costs); info about the Cranfield Student Association; and details of various students clubs and activities. I noticed some good volunteering options (especially a mentoring program for local children). Also really liked the HOST program where student are invited to spend time with British families in their homes to get a flavor of the culture and lifestyle. Most international students say that it’s a great experience spending Christmas with a local family. But I’d rather be home during that time, so will explore this opportunity some other time of the year – perhaps during Easter or Halloween. Another thing I want to catch is the Notting Hill Carnival. Never know…I might just run into Hugh Grant!

Now getting down to work – I have to fill out some registration forms and send them across, send photographs for my student ID, explore the various banking options (details provided) and examine the student loan offer sent by the local HSBC in UK. Also finalize my travel plans, buy suitcases, buy some basic survival items, and transfer all my data on to a portable hard-drive (I decided to buy the laptop in UK to avoid any transition problems and to avail of the local service). And I need to figure out what clothes to carry – the local climate during Sept-Dec seems to render most of my wardrobe inappropriate – means I need to shop for clothes as well! All this and there’s less than a month to go! Oh my god! Like a friend of mine would say – TIME FLIES!!!

Closing in on Columbia

2004-08-09T13:09:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend, I've completed the drafts for three (out of the four) Columbia essays. For the goals essay, I've drawn a large chunk of material from W1 and blended it with how a Columbia MBA fits in. The other two topics - What personal value means the most to you and why? and Please tell us what you feel most passionate about in life - were very exciting to wrire about and hardly needed much pondering. These are things that I could talk about even in my sleep! The only problem though is the extremely tight word limit (roughly 250 words). Currently I'm over 350 in each, so some major trimmimg is in order. The only remaining essay is one that asks you to descrbe when you identified and captured an opportunity. I have two options for this one - a professional example where I initiated business with an unconventional client who later on became one of the major revenue contributors; and an extra-curric example where I co-founded an animal shelter in my city. I've decided to draft both and then review in terms of the overall application to decide which one does a better job of 'adding' to my story.

Earlier I had thought of applying to Columbia in the Early Decision round. But for some strange reason, they want you to sign a commitment stating that once you're accepted at Columbia in ED, you will matriculate there and you'll decline all other offers from other schools!! This I find unreasonably binding. Columbia is a top school, attracts the best of applicants, has a steep acceptance rate and is among the most expensive programs. Knowing all this, if I put in the effort to prepare an application, it would be only reasonable to assume that I'm keen on joining the school. So I don't understand this whole commitment thing. Why would an Ivy League institution want (or need) even a single person in their student body who is there not by complete choice but because of a binding commitment? I agree that when you sign the commitment, it's a conscious choice. But it still is a curb on free will to some extent. Besides, every school loses a percentage of their applicants to other programs. I know people who've chosen Wharton over Harvard and Stanford, Michigam over Tuck, Chicago over Duke. It's all about 'fit'. So I personally feel that a better approach to retaining students is to woo them through the information sessions and the welcome weekends. If they identify with the school's philosophy/culture, they'll join, no matter what.

As for me, I've decided to move my application to the regular R1.

Relaxed, recharged, rejuvinated!!

2004-08-05T07:09:00.000-05:00

That’s how I'm feeling today! The last seven days have been wonderfully relaxing - a different city, different people, excellent weather, lots of reading and loads of sleep! My first impression when I landed in Calcutta (thats my hometown - a big city in northern India) was 'WOW'! The city's changed like crazy! Two years ago, when I visited last, I wanted to improve so many things - like the bad roads, lack of greenery, the lack of good entertainment options. Looks like someone got there ahead of me (thankfully!). This time round I was greeted by a greener city with better and wider roads, lots of flyovers, and state-of-the-art malls and movie theatres. Catching up with my cousins meant hanging out at the malls, going for drives in the rain, hitting all the latest eating joints and endless conversation over countless glasses of ice-tea!! Oh and I must mention CROSSWORDS - the five-storey bookstore with almost every book under the sun!! This might be India's answer to B&N! In the four hours that I spent there, I bought enough books to make my suitcase weigh a ton - so what was hand luggage on the way there, had to be checked-in on the way back!

Back to home base and I've spent the last couple of hours catching up on all my favorite blogs. And boy, everyone's been really active and busy with the applications! I have quite a bit of catching up to do! But then taking a break has also helped me reflect on my life a fresh. When in the middle of too many things, one tends to get so caught up dealing with them that there's little time left to think about 'them' per se. But being physically away has given me, for the want of a better word, a birds-eye-view of my life. So in addition to evaluating various things my life in relation to 'me', I've been evaluating them in relation to each other; somewhat like different elements in a solar system that need to move in sync to keep the entire system stable. And that has brought out some fresh perspectives and new ideas for the essays.

I’ve also found a fair amount of discussion on the RSS feed and the private/public-ness of blogs. Personally, I want my blog to be a personalized account of my experiences through the application process, which by its very nature is reflective and introspective. I also want to share these experiences with others and gain from their perspectives. I want my blog to be alive, to have character – I want to talk about who I am, my dreams, what excites me, what disturbs me, what motivates me and what bogs me down. My personal ideas, feelings and emotions are the very things that give my blog it’s uniqueness. Just a chronicle of my target schools, deadlines, interviews etc., without any introspection, would make this blog very dry and boring (even for me). Having said that, I’m also aware that there are many people out there who are reading this. Initially when I found a link to my blog on other blogs or websites, I wondered whether it would be a good idea to pour my heart out on these pages. But then I realized that if I can’t be comfortable sharing my feelings with others who are going through the same process (and probably experiencing similar emotions), then I can’t be comfortable (and convincing) while expressing those feelings in my essays for various AdCom members to see. So, I’ve been very honest and candid in all my posts. Several posts have been very personal and perhaps of little relevance to others. But they were important parts of my journey and hence I wanted to put them down. And on many occasions I’ve received wonderful advice/suggestions from fellow bloggers. Today, I consider myself a member of a large family (of bloggers) where people are supporting each other through the application process. And that a fantastic feeling! So I’m really OK with the feed and with this blog going public. And I’m not worried about AdCom members stumbling upon my blogs and reading my accounts. In fact it might be a good thing – they’ll get a head-start on what my essay will contain!!

Taking some time off

2004-07-28T08:50:00.000-05:00

Having wrapped up all the formalities for my UK trip (visa, accomodation, course registrations etc), I've decided to take some time out and enjoy life. For the last two weeks, I've been in a 'suspended mode'. I've been running around town getting all the formalities in place, the scorching Delhi heat hasn't helped, work on the essays has been really slow (bit of a writer's block - therefore a drop in the number of posts here as well), and to make matters worse, I've had to bid adieu to a few friends who are headed to B-Schools in the US (and I'm soooo bad at goodbyes!!). So, all in all, difficult times!! But it's time to snap out of it, get cracking and wrap uo a few applications before heading off to UK. So I've decided to take a break and recharge my batteries.

Tomorrow I'll be travelling to my hometown to spend some time with my cousins, visit my relatives, and generally chill out! The weather is excellent there ! It rains regularly and a there's a constant cool breeze! So am looking forward to that. And I've been told that there are loads of amazing eating joints to explore (for the uninitiated, I'm a major foodie!!). Am also looking forward to watching the India-Sri Lanka final on the big screen with my cousins. Plus I haven't been there in over two years...so am sure there'll be lots of new developments to see!!

I'm not sure whether I'll be able to access the internet from there...so might be away from this page for a week or so. In the meantime, good luck to all those who are working on their GMAT/essays etc. And my best wishes to all those who will be starting the Wharton pre-term in August.

Hope to be back with a bang!!!

The last few days

2004-07-22T15:18:00.000-05:00

Not having to go to office, I feel like a fish out of water. I miss everything about office – the (often malfunctioning) elevators, my computer, my teammates, the cramped lunchroom and even the overly sweet concoction that came out of the tea machine!! Why do I feel like going back to work and poring over the excel sheets and business reports all over again? Am I going crazy or are these withdrawal symptoms natural? Also, this is the first time in my life when I’m spending so much time at home. And I have realized that sitting at home is a tough thing to do (unless, of course, one is interested in the mundane set of TV programs that run through the day). So besides running errands for mum and thinking about my S and W essays, I have found a new past time –learning the sequence of news stories broadcast on different news channels! Oh man! I really hope Duke and Tuck release their applications before I lose my perspective on sanity!

While on the applications, after chasing a host of US B-School students/alumni in my city, I have finally managed to lay my hands on a copy of Richard Montauk’s golden book. In case you're wondering why I engaged in this complicated exercise, the problem is that this book is not readily available in bookstores in my city. The only other people who seem to have a copy are the admission consultants, who will only lend it out people who have registered for their ‘admission packages’. Of course, I did have the option of ordering it online at Amazon, but to pay $16.80 for the book and $50 as shipping charges seemed a bit ridiculous to me and I decided to leave it as the last option. Luckily, I don’t have to avail of that option now.

Progress on the essays has been a bit slow. Have managed some further edits on Wharton 1, but although the message is fairly well-rounded and concise now, I'm still way over the designated word limit. And I'm still thinking about an overarching theme that covers all the things I want to say in Wharton 2. Maybe I'll read the essay-writing advice in Montauk's book before I work on them further.

Have also decided to invest in a laptop before heading off to Cranfield. There were several driving forces behind this decision. This will allow me to keep all my study and research materials in one place; it will be the best way to stay in touch with friends and family (my room on campus has 24-hr free internet access); and I will eventually need one when I go to B-School next year. So I decided to take the plunge now. However for a hardware flunky like me, it’s not easy to decide across different sets of features. So have left that decision to the able mind of my highly-computer-literate brother. Of course, the ultimate choice would also depend, to a large extent, on the price (my definition of affordability has changed since I turned unemployed). But will cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I’m happy transferring my music files on to CDs, to be later loaded on my new laptop.

Some things Wharton

2004-07-18T06:44:00.000-05:00

Earlier today, I met up with a Wharton alum from the class of 2002. Like every other Whartonite I’ve met till date, he was extremely humble, warm, friendly, and forthcoming with help and advice. We talked about everything from the application process (he had been a student member of the AdCom) to life at Wharton and life after Wharton. Here are some of the things we discussed that I thought would interest other fellow applicants.

The Application
His advice was to focus on the essays. "Given the highly accomplished applicant pool, high scores or stellar professional accomplishments won’t really distinguish you from other applicants. Therefore use the essays to distinguish yourself".
Some advice on writing the essays -
- Write sincerely. Simple words that come from the heart make a far stronger impact than fancy words pulled out of a thesaurus.
- Be candid about your strengths and weaknesses. Self-awareness is highly valued at Wharton.
- Think about the application as a whole. Each essay should contribute to painting a holistic picture of you. There shouldn't be any contradictions or missing links.
- Once you complete the essays, get someone (preferably a current student or Alum) to read all of them in one go. You will get a good impression the message that comes through.

Life at Wharton
Here are some excerpts from my discussion with him…

“The minute you step into Wharton, you are humbled. I went to Wharton after twelve years at sea. I had been Captain of some of the biggest oil tankers for the last five years. But when I met some of my future classmates, I felt like I had accomplished nothing. It’s incredible the quality of people you will be rubbing shoulders with.”

“The program is extremely rigorous. Initially everyone struggles to adjust to the demands of the program. It takes roughly three to four months to get used to the pressure. But the focus in not just on high grades, but also on getting the maximum out of the MBA experience. Leadership camps, extra curriculars, job searches….there’s an amazing mount to do."

“During the two years in Wharton, you will meet some amazing people and make many lifelong friends. The atmosphere is extremely warm. Everyone’s busy helping others. Even during exams people prepare and hand out study sheets to fellow classmates. You will see team-spirit in everything.”

Life after Wharton
More excerpts …

“Wharton opens us the best career opportunities worldwide. You will regularly have the biggest and best companies from a variety of industries on campus. So you can continuously evaluate and re-evaluate options and set career directions.”

“Many students start their own business right after graduating. And often several students get together and launch a venture. The Alumni network is particularly helpful in this respect – supporting you, helping you network and get in touch with Corporates, venture funds etc.”

"Another thing you'll value long after you've come out of Wharton is the personal developmet that you will undergo. You will learn a lot about yourself and that will stand you in good stead afterwards."

Showers of Blessings

2004-07-17T08:31:00.000-05:00

As you might have guessed from the title - it's been raining again! Now if some of you are wondering why I keep posting rainfall information like a weather bureau - its just that rains always alleviate my mood - which in turn tends to uleash the creative writer (??!) in me. Not to mention the fact that when the average temperature is hovering around 40 degrees celcius, every drop of rain that cools feels like a bessing from the heavens.

The showers have also brought some good news. I have received a confirmation for an on-campus accomodation at Cranfield (was on a waitlist till now). And thats one big relief! Last week I spent loads of time (and money of course) calling up rental agencies all over Bedford (thats where the college is located) and trying to find a decent studio apartment close to campus. But I wasn't really getting anywhere. So I'm feeling very lucky today!

On a different note, as of yesterday, I have joined the ranks of the blissfully unemployed. Although the feeling hasn't sunk in yet, something tells me that it's not going to be a particularly enjoyable experience.

PS - in case you're wondering why each paragraph is a different color (and why this line is in a different font altogether) - just trying out some of the new features added by the Blogger team.

Hmm....interesting!

2004-07-13T12:53:00.000-05:00

The Columbia application is out. (thanks Dave for the heads-up)
And the third essay has really caught my attention. "What personal value means the most to you and why?" So that's easy you'd think...since I'm already done with the Stanford one which is along the same theme. But here's the catch - recommended 250 word limit!!! And I was brooding about how to bring the Stanford one down to around eight pages!

Progress on the Essays

2004-07-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

The draft for my Wharton essay 1 is in its final stages. I'm quite happy with it as it stands right now. I've covered all the issues that needed to be addressed and the thoughts are flowing in a coherent manner. All it needs now is a series of edits to refine the language and bring it down to the required word limit. I've decided to let it lie for a few days and come back with a fresh mind.

Wharton essay 2 is in its nascent stages. I’ve drawn up a list of the specific things that I want to talk about. Now I need to decide on a theme that will cover all those details. Talking about myself in a generic context is turning out to be as much challenging as it is fun.

Stanford 1 is also nearing completion. After several weeks of introspection and seven rough drafts, I finally have an essay that looks good. My only apprehension at this point is that it's too long and there are too many details on certain issues. So now I need to figure out what would be an appropriate length (maybe this exercise is better left to the AdComs) and what parts of the essay I could do without.

I'm going to start drafting the second essay for Stanford tonight. This will require relatively less work than the other essays as I will be using a large chunk of details from the first Wharton essay (like those on career path, goals, why MBA etc). The only issue that I'll have to address specifically is the 'school fit' and how a Stanford MBA fits into my plans. Currently am still researching on Stanford's program so I'll have leave that part out for the moment.

One more thing done

2004-07-13T08:49:00.000-05:00

I handed over my official laptop today. This more or less completes the major formalities that I need to take care of before I leave. I'm feeling lighter, both in terms of weight and responsibility. So I won't carry work home any more and I won't need to access e-mails at unearthly hours. Sounds good! Am looking forward to spending more time on the essays and on getting more sleep!

Feelin' Blue

2004-07-11T06:51:00.000-05:00

Oh well....it's another one of those days when I'm feeling low. Of late, this seems to be happening quite often. One reason could be that all this introspection (thanks to the essays) has made me reflect on my values and beliefs, many of which have been put to test over the last few months. And while I feel proud of the fact that I've been able to stick to them despite challenges, I’ve also realized that they are rather difficult to live by. The thing is that many of my beliefs differ greatly from those of people around me. And no matter what (or how strongly) I feel about something, as long as there are other people involved, decisions do tend to get influenced. And many a times I feel unhappy about the outcome. So I’m wondering whether it’s really worth nurturing values that leave me drained or whether it’s a better idea to tweak them a little in accordance with the general ways of the world. Its not an easy decision so I'm quite unsure at the moment.

Then there are a some issues that I've been trying to sort out. But although I've been thinking about them for a while now, I haven't been able to come up with any solutions yet. And I'm feeling a bit unsettled inside because of that. I used to believe that logic and reason were sufficient to solve problems. But now I’ve discovered a third element – emotion – which seems to have a lot of say and is complicating matters. So I’m struggling to find a balance. Some sages have advised me to accept things the way they are but then I can't do that either. How do you accept something that you can't convince yourself about? So thats another thing weighing down on me.

When I was younger, I would often look up at the stars in the sky and try to figure out problems. And most of the time I could come up with solutions. But these days the answers don’t come so easy. Perhaps the stars who were my friends have moved over to distant skies.

Moving On

2004-07-06T03:28:00.000-05:00

This is my last week at work. Today I got my official relieving letter. And that's when it finally dawned on me that I'll be leaving soon. It’s a funny feeling and in many ways analogous to that of leaving my family. I love the organization I work for. It has been like my second home for the last four years. When I joined, I was fresh out of college - clueless about the professional world and naive in many ways. Today when I think about how much I’ve grown, I know I have this place to thank for in more ways than one. There’s a lot of raw energy around here and an inherent enthusiasm in the air. I've received so much guidance and encouragement. I’ve been a part of some of the biggest projects that have transformed this organization from a start-up to one of the top players in its field. And growing with the organization has been a rewarding experience. Sure I’ve had my share of frustrating moments, unearthly work hours, extremely difficult people to deal with. But despite everything I’ve enjoyed myself. I’ve also met some wonderful people here, many of them among the finest in their field. And then I’ve met some not so wonderful people as well. I’ve made many friends across departments, age groups and professional ranks. Some of those friendships, I know, are lifelong ones. And I feel a lot richer because of them.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve gradually handed over most of my responsibilities to the person who will be replacing me. I always thought I’d enjoy the time when I would have little to do in office. But these days I feel an uncomfortable emptiness...as though a plug has been pulled. I love every aspect of my work. I love the freedom I’ve got to experiment with ideas and introduce changes. And I love the fact that the impacts of those changes have been fairly immediate (that’s what I love about Telecom – everything is ‘real time’). So yes, today it saddens me when I see my role gradually shrinking to just a supervisory one. I no longer feel in the ‘thick of things’ so to speak.

Another reason I’m feeling really bad is that I’m leaving at a time when the organization is undergoing several major changes. Over the next few months, there will be new investments, expansion of services in some new countries, and many new policy introductions. I would have loved to be a part of those experiences. I recently attended the introductory workshop of the Six-Sigma implementation procedure. But the sad part is that I won’t be here through the entire process. So I’m feeling a bit deprived.

But I’m also really excited about my life ahead...about going back to academia. All said and done, student life is definitely a lot of fun. I know the next three years will be full of many shaping experiences. I’m particularly looking forward to attending B-School come 2005. I have so many plans already in place for that!! I’m going to live in two new countries – first UK and then the US. I will be away from home for the first time and I’m both nervous and excited. On one hand I'm really really sad about leaving my parents and friends and about not having my dog around. And on the other hand I'm also looking forward to the exciting (and not so exciting) experiences of living on my own.

I guess this is just another transformational phase in my life. And since I'm leaving the old behind and embracing the new, I’m bound to have these mixed feelings.

Go Greece!!!!

2004-07-04T23:32:00.000-05:00

What a sensational ending to Euro 2004!! The teams in the final defied statistics to get there. No host country had ever reached the finals before. And Greece?? They were the proverbial underdogs...the outsiders. Well they've surely made their place inside now! What an amazing victory!!!

Welcome to GMail...

2004-06-28T21:53:00.000-05:00

I had no idea that having a GMail account would put me in an 'elite' group!!

Ever since I got the invitation to open the account (thanks a lot H), everyone around me has been giving me those 'you lucky thing' looks. I feel privileged! So what am I going to do with 1 GB of space?? I have no freaking clue!! I haven't yet gone beyond 2% usage in my Yahoo mailbox (which by the way has one tenth the capacity).

Haven't been able to explore all the features yet...but I definitely like the option of seraching for a mail (trust Google to have this!). Another neat feature is the 'Conversation View' which groups together all responses to a particuar mail and displays them in a neat stack every time that mail is opened. Saves the time and effort of browsing through my mailbox looking for related messages!

Way to Google!!

Thinking about 'me'

2004-06-23T04:13:00.000-05:00

Thinking about my dreams, aspirations, motivations, achievements, career path, future plans and about the person I am. Working on the essays is a wonderfully introspective exercise. The more I think about these things, the more I learn about myself. I've been working on the drafts for Stanford and Wharton. As a ready reckoner, I've penned down my thoughts on the key issues that will have to be addressed for all essays
- Goals - professional and personal
- The choices and decisions I've made till date and the reasons behind them
- How my past and present choices are aligned with my future plans
- The path that will take me from where I am to where I want to be
- How an MBA fits into that path and bridges the gap
- How and what I'll gain from a prticular B-School and vice versa

Must admit that I'm really impressed with the Stanford set - both the topics and the order in which they're placed tells me volumes about the school. The first essay question is the best one I've ever come across till date. No defined parameters, no specific issues to address and to top everything no word limit! It tells me that the school is (a) genuinely interested in understanding my personna and (b) comfortable about giving me the freedom and responsibility to decide how I want to describe myself. The second essay is of course the generic goals essay. The fact that this essay is placed second (it's usually the first essay for most schools) tells me that they want to understand the person before they get down to assessing the professional. I like that order!

I loved writing the Wharton essays last year...so I needed no motivation to start working on them again. In fact, I downloaded the essays the very first day they were released. I approached the first essay afresh, without revisiting the old one. A lot has changed since last year and I wanted to see how the new perspectives reflected in the essay. The result has been quite interesting. Although my fundamental reasons for seeking an MBA at this point remain the same, I've asked (and answered) a lot more questions related to those reasons...many 'why's and 'how's. And I think thats helped me define my goals more clearly and shape my plans better. It has given more breadth and depth to the essay. I'm quite happy with the first draft. I'm also having loads of fun writing the second essay...its a new topic and once again it's open ended. I have the freedom to talk whatever I want about myself. Once again shows the school's interest in understanding the person I am - the 'who' behind the 'what'. That is the spirit of Wharton and that's why I so love the place!

Where oh where....

2004-06-17T04:39:00.000-05:00

...has my previous post gone?? The strangest thing just happened. I was editing a line on my earlier post, and as I clicked on 'Edit' there was a computer malfunction and all applications froze! Under such circumstances I always resort to the three magic keys 'Ctrl+Alt+Del'. So now I've restored things, all applications are functional, I'm connected back on to the net, but MY POST IS GONE!!! I know I didn't click 'Delete'...so what exactly happened here?? Technology isn't my area of expertise, so am clueless!!

One two buckle my shoe...

2004-06-11T06:05:00.000-05:00

Received my admit packet from Cranfield University today. This formally kicks off my second journey into the world of education. The more I learn about the University, the more I love the place. Its amazing the kind of resources that are available for international sudents! And the procedures are so quick and smooth....from applying for on-campus housing to signing up for the airport pickup service, everything can be done via e-mail! Ultra cool! The MSc Finance program seems no less than a dual degre - 14 core courses and 4 electives packed into ten months of study! Sure sound like fun!

So come September I'm back to school...and the countdown has already begun. Will have to complete a host of activities over the next few months. Let me jot down a rough a to-do list...

1. Fill up the Declaration of Intent and get the deposit draft issued.
2. Apply to the university for Financial Aid and alongside apply to the British Council
for student scholarship.
3. Evaluate the on-campus housing options and apply.
4. Start studying - there are a few basic courses that I need to cover before starting
the program.
5. Start wrapping up things at the workplace.
6. Spend more time with my family and friends...and my pet german shepherd (am gonna miss him so much!!).
7. Figure out a way to carry my massive books and music collection.
8. Go for my favorite whitewater rafting trip one last time.
9. Learn to cook some basic stuff.
10. Shop...shop....shop!!

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

2004-06-02T01:55:00.000-05:00

The last two weeks have delivered an incredulous mix of good things and not-so-good things. Well good things first and I’ve been selected to lead a new project at work…I’m thrilled…it’ll give me exposure to an area that I’ve never explored before and I’ll get to work with some of the best minds in the organization. So I’m looking forward to learning lots. The only glitch is that I’m leaving my job in a month and will need to get the project up and rolling before that. There goes the relaxed weekend I was planning! Oh and incidentally, they decided to give me a raise as well. Not much reason to party I guess considering that I’m outta here soon. Arrgh!!! It’s all so contradictory…I’m beginning to lose a grip on what merits celebration and what doesn’t.

Yesterday I bid farewell to my colleague and good friend who moved to another city with a new job. Office will never be the same without her…I don’t know any another soul around here who can relate to my brand of madness. However the additional load of work (HER share of work!) has duly compensated the vacuum that I feel in her absence. But it’s becoming increasingly frustrating to explain to all and sundry why I’m carrying two laptops around!! Also…I MISS HER A LOT!!!

Alternating with that was the wonderful news that I’ve been accepted a top UK University to study Masters in Finance. I’m really really excited!! It’s a great program and will give me a solid grounding before I head off to B-School. Living in the UK should be fun – nothing beats a relaxed afternoon tea with sandwiches, scones and muffins…on second thoughts I don’t think life will be that relaxed…but I’ll happily settle for the rest!!

To make matters more interesting my parents have been grilling me about the ‘unsettling’ manner in which I’m planning my future. Unfortunately, the problem seems to be that we differ in our basic definition of short-term (3-4 years as per my definition; 1 year as per theirs) and long-term (10 odd years as per mine, 5 years as per theirs). And they believe it’s imperative to ‘settle down’ by the time one hits the age of thirty. So, the fact that I will be spending the next three years studying means that I’ll have very little time left to grow in my career, build my dream house, get married, have children blah blah blah! Looks like I’ll need to devote some quality time to resolve this issue.

The one thing that’s probably helped me retain my perspective on sanity through all this is The Fountainhead. It’s one book that has made me reflect on my life anew and resolve certain issues in my mind. Somehow, I’m feeling more confident about myself than ever before after reading this book. It has truly rejuvenated my spirit. Thank you Ayn Rand!

My B School wish list

2004-05-21T03:15:00.000-05:00

What I’m looking for…

· Equally good programs in Entrepreneurship and Finance
· Focus on leadership with practical opportunities to discover and develop my leadership potential
· A rigorous curriculum balanced with ample out-of the-classroom learning opportunities
· The option and flexibility to pursue some courses in social work and community development alongside (hopefully I’ll get the time for this!)
· Opportunity to interact with people from different parts of the world and from a wide variety of professional backgrounds.
· A high degree of student participation in the school’s activities
· Fellow students who are interesting, enthusiastic, friendly, co-operative and have the spirit and ability to freak out!!
· Availability of a wide range of extra-curricular activities and opportunities to work for community development
· A strong spirit of bonding within the B-school community – students, faculty, administration, and alumni.
· A place where I’ll enjoy spending the next two years of my life
· A school that I fall in love with…

Roark, Enrique and Richard Branson

2004-05-18T03:03:00.000-05:00

The three men who’ve kept me busy of late. A recent spate of work-free weekends has allowed me to devote some quality time to what I love most. Nope, not men...but reading and music!!

Picked up Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead about a month back…but didn’t go beyond the first ten pages then. Dan Brown is to blame for cutting in - The Da Vinci code is an amazing book; gripped me from the very first word and simply couldn’t put it down! Anyway went back to Fountainhead last week. I love Roark’s passion for the things he does. I wish I could be like him– self absorbed, carefree and oblivious to the ways of the world!! It's really deplorable how people love to hate someone who's sure of himself and wamts to live life differently from others. I believe he has a romantic liaison with one of the most unlikely characters in the novel…haven’t reached that part yet but am sure it’ll be interesting. So far I’ve enjoyed the way Rand has portrayed various relationships and developed the chemistry between characters.

Over to Enrique who has been refreshingly experimental in Seven. Fusing soft guitar tunes with foot-tapping beats, complementing his predominantly Latin flavor with traces of techno and rock. I enjoyed Addicted - typical Enrique-style ballad with some great beats. Has a lovely Spanish version as well; also Wish You Were Here which is a sad ballad about meeting the right person and letting go. Although in a few places the music sounds like a slower version of his earlier hit 'Be With You'. But my favorite is Be Yourself. An out and out dance dance track - fabulous beats and amazing lyrics! Love the lines...
If you cried, would you hide, or would you want the world to know
And if you believe in love, would you let it show
Is your pain when you smile coz you feel alone
Are you in, are you hip, are you cool
Do you try too hard
Or are you strong enough to be yourself

And hopping back to the bookshelf...recently started reading Richard Branson’s biography -Losing My Virginity. As vibrant as Branson himself, the book covers almost everything from business strategies to the philosophy of life. Fairy tale story of how an under-achieving schoolboy becomes one of the nations top business icons!! Intuitive in his approach, hardworking, kick-ass attitude, believes in living life to the fullest. It’s invigorating to read about a successful entrepreneur who manages to give equal importance to work, family, friends and fun. Rare but ideal!

Five things....

2004-05-18T00:08:00.000-05:00

To Have
A youth you’re content to leave behind
A past interesting enough that you look forward to recounting it in your old age
One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry
A resume that is not even slightest bit padded yet makes you feel proud
A feeling of control over your destiny…always

To Know
How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship
How to fall in love without losing yourself
When to try harder to hold on to a love and when to walk away
How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you'll get it
Where to go when your soul needs soothing

Holding on to a dream…

2004-05-16T04:07:00.000-05:00

It’s been a fairly eventful period since my Wharton decision. Time spent in introspection, realization, and careful contemplation. A lot of things have changed in my life since, which have made me take a hard look at myself and question my goals. But in the end, I’ve reached the same conclusion that I’d reached one year back. I belong at Wharton. I’m not surprised. I’ve known this in my heart for a while now. But the fact that a host of challenging circumstances couldn’t shake that belief has convinced me even more. So why didn't it happen? Maybe because God wants me to go through a few more experiences in life before I get there.

Roughly two months back, I was shaken out of my dream by a painful stroke of reality. I didn’t read beyond the first line of my decision letter...I didn’t need to. I knew that the first word would say it all. I’d told myself repeatedly that the decision could go either way. Though I’d prepared myself for the worst, at that moment, nothing worked. For the first time in my life I lost control over my emotions. I have a warped memory of the next few days, but I remember one thing clearly - I did not cry once. I always wondered why. Initially I tried to reason that perhaps deep down I didn't feel it was worthy enough to merit my tears. But today I know that the truth is in fact the exact opposite...that it was way too valuable to end in tears. Crying would have made me get over it and I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep the hurt alive because I still wanted to want Wharton. I’m not sure whether that makes sense but it’s my truth.

Even after my decision, I never stopped visiting the Wharton website. For some strange reason, it feels like home. I love the s2s board. It gives me the comfort being surrounded by like minded people who can understand me and vice versa. I’ve had some of the most memorable experiences on the Wharton Jollies thread. I met many amazing people and made some great friends. Some of us got in, some didn’t. But it did not change the chemistry we shared. Every time I go back to those posts, I hate the thread because I relive those wonderful days and it hurts. Yet I can’t seem to stop myself. I’ve come to realize that I have a strange love-hate relationship with the s2s.

I don’t know why I wrote all this today...maybe I’m trying to set myself free. I’ve been juggling these emotions in my mind for a while now. Maybe putting them down will help me endorse them and shape them into a course of action for tomorrow. I don’t know whether I’ll get in next year (in fact most people have told me I’m being foolish and that its too dangerous a gamble). But I know one thing for myself - the way I feel about the school, it’s definitely worth giving another shot.

Spring Break

2004-05-12T13:34:00.001-05:00

Today, in the middle of summer, the weather took a sudden turn to display some beautiful shades of spring! I love rains. And when my day begins with a drizzle as it did today, it always goes off well. So, to enjoy the weather, I took a longer route to office, put on my favorite John Denver CD, rolled down my car windows despite the pollution (Creative approach remember? no thinking, impulsive action!) and splashed my way through a few puddles. Oh…how I hated walking into the four-walled enclosure that houses my office. Apologize if I sound like an airlines passenger, but today of all days I really really wished I had a ‘window seat’. Now the one place in office which is best for getting a glimpse of the outside world is the smoking room with its french windows. On any other day I avoid this place like plague. But today, I just couldn't help but perch myself there. (man...I think i'm getting hooked to this Creative approach thing!). I guess my lungs weren't too appreciative...but hey you can't have everything right? I had the most blissful ten minutes in a long long time - just sipping coffee and watching the world go by. OK so I didn't score very high on the productivity meter as far as work was concerned. Will have to slog it out extra tomorrow. But what the heck...I've decided to live life a day and enjoy my moments of happiness!

Also found out today that I’m an INFP. Thanks to FMGirl for posting such a cool personality test!

A few beautiful lines

2004-05-11T14:06:00.000-05:00

These are undoubtedly some of the most beautiful lines I've ever read!

"Being a man is a testing ground, a probation. When one has been a man long enough, when one has inflicted enough pain through the calamities of one's own creation, when one has hurt others enough to stop one's own behaviour - to replace agression with reason, contempt with compassion, always-winning with no-one-losing, when one has learned that might is not "right"; that strength is not power over but power with; that absolute power demands of others absolutely nothing; when one understands these things, then one may deserve to wear a woman's body. For only then will one understand the Essence of a Woman."

New Look!

2004-05-11T10:40:00.000-05:00

Hey hey...don't go away! You're not on a wrong page. It's me all right. Just decided to give my journal a new look.

Life

2004-05-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

There’s this interesting theory I came across today while reading some notes on the philosophy of life. What is basically says is that there are two approaches to life.
1. The Creative approach which involves the soul acting unconsciously to situations based on emotions, thereby creating unique experiences that bring happiness;
2. The Reactive approach which involves the mind taking conscious actions to a situation after evaluating the circumstances.
And the theory concludes that life should be lived as a process of creation and that we make a mistake when we choose to live it as a process of reaction or re-enactment. I’ve been thinking about this all day and I’m not convinced.

Suppose I take a conscious action. Means that I evaluate a situation and spend time figuring out what’s the best course of action. My choices are cautious, my decisions weighed. Now the theory says that in this case I may not derive much joy because my mind has simply searched the memory for a same/similar experience in the past and re-enacted an old action. There’s nothing new about the experience. In contrast, if I react unconsciously or impulsively to a situation, then my decision will be quick and easy because I’m not reviewing and analyzing incidents. I’m simply following my heart’s desires at that moment in time and thereby creating a unique experience. And I do believe that honoring one’s feelings brings happiness. So I agree that the best life would be one filled with unconscious reactions. But sadly, I don’t see that as a feasible option in the real world.

Lets take an example. Suppose I want to study management and I have to choose between schools X and Y (both equally reputed). Now my dream is to go to school X because I know that besides providing the education, it will also provide certain experiences that my heart desires. So, following the creative approach, I take the necessary steps to get there without evaluating the costs attached (which lets say are high in this case). On the other hand, school Y, although not my ideal place, will nonetheless provide me the management education at much lesser costs (both financial and other). So the reactive approach would make me choose school Y over X because rational analysis would definitely give more points to Y. Because two years down the line, when I enter the job market, I’ll be evaluated more on the basis of what I ‘learnt’ than what I ‘experienced’. So, in this situation, can one say that the Creative approach is better than the Reactive approach? Does it make sense to disregard the apprehensions of my mind to honor my soul? Will I be making a mistake if I eventually choose to go to school Y? I’m not sure.

My neighbor Sarah is 20 and an amateur violinist. Her dream is to have her own recital one day. So, her impulsive reaction to life would be to take violin lessons, perfect her command on the instrument and hold that recital. But life has thrown other challenges at her. Her father retires in a year after which she’ll need to support her family financially. So, her conscious decision will be to start working as soon as she finishes her education. And given the rigors of any profession these days, I can see her recital dreams go out the window! Her ‘best life’ will inevitably take a backseat to the demands of her present circumstances. So is she making a mistake? NO. The fact is that she simply has no choice in the matter!

Then there are people like Bill Gates who probably follow the Creative approach. I always wondered why he dropped out of school. Maybe because he wanted to exlore himself, learn at his own will and pace and not follow predefined structures and timelines. I guess he's our philosopher's ideal subject - someone who followed his heart and refused to live a life of re-enactment. But then again, maybe he was also lucky to have circumstances that permitted him to do so. So you see, at this point I'd say that its also a matter of perspectives.

So far, I've followed the reactive approach to life. As a child I was taught to 'look before I leap'. So before taking any important decision I think and reason. I carefully consider all aspects of the situation, evaluate the pros and cons and then decide my course of action. My decisions may take long, I may give up a few things that I would have impulsively done, but I feel safe on having accounted for every known aspect. Then there are times, once in a while, when I fall prey to that unknown force called 'luck'...when despite all my efforts and calculations, something does not turn out the way I planned. At such times I wonder whether my eforts were justified. Maybe if I thought impulsively and just went along with my feelings, the regret would be less. I don't know. But I'll definitely give this Creative approach a shot.

Oh and one more thing. I’ve read in a million places that destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice. Now if I were to fit this into the above theory, then what emerges is that destiny and happiness are in fact contradictory! That in choosing our destiny we are somewhere compromising on our happiness; that we are not being true to our souls; that we are not living life the way it “should be” lived. Food for thought!

Addicted!!

2004-04-29T06:39:00.000-05:00

It’s finally happened! I’ve tried hard to prevent it…I really despise being captive to anything. But I’ve failed. Despite my efforts, I’ve become and addict!! Yesterday I realized that I’m addicted to the Internet!!

But why should I take all the blame? It’s an occupational hazard! When you work in a telecom firm, the Internet is like your lifeline, your circulation system. People to go online for everything – for internal communications, for updates on policies, to track personal records, or simply catch up on world news. E-mails become the preferred mode of communication. I’ve often received mails from a colleague who sits right across, inviting me for a party, updating me on the latest gossip or even complimenting the color of my shirt!! Is it really easier than picking up the phone and punching my three-digit extension number? I wonder. Graham Bell, if he found out, would turn over in his grave. And to add to the absurdity of the situation, people often send follow up e-mails to enquire if the previous one was received!! Somebody please explain that to me! But whatever the case, everyone around me is hooked to the net.

Now about yesterday. Due to a cable fault in our network, the office was cut off from the Internet service for the entire day. Wonderful I thought. Saved from the daily dose of e-mails. I’ll finally be able to complete a few pending analyses. I couldn’t have been farther from the truth. The first problem came when I needed some data for an analysis. As a matter of habit I happily clicked the Internet Explorer icon expecting the search page to appear. Tough luck! I spent the next hour in the library browsing through data files. And I realized how much I preferred web pages to paper ones. That was morning.

My favorite lunchtime activity is browsing the net – reading news, catching up on s2s and BW forums, visiting holiday destinations on National Geographic….you get the drift. So come afternoon, there was nothing for me to do! I wandered around office looking for an equally interesting alternative. And who do you think suffered? My colleagues! Now anyone who’s met me would tell you that once I start talking, it doesn’t take the other person too long to want to head for the hills! (Hey...now mabe that's the reason they e-mail me rather than call me!). Understandably then, my decision to chat up colleagues during lunch left a lot of people praying that the internet be restored soon.

By evening, I was experiencing something similar to withdrawal symptoms…a strong urge to somehow link back to cyberspace. There was this helpless feeling of being cut-off from the outside world. On days when I’m loaded with work, I would look forward to a day like this. But yesterday, I realized that it’s not so much fun after all; that I’d rather be busy and miserable than idle and carefree! Life sure is funny! Or is it just me??

Cloud Number Nine

2004-04-26T04:33:00.000-05:00

I’ve really wondered how one measures happiness. What are its constituents? Where do you find it? How do you hold on to it? Is it about having things you love or simply loving the things you have? If it’s about knowledge, comforts and success then why haven’t progress and prosperity translated into an increase in happiness levels? Perhaps, as the saying goes, happiness is a state of mind and can be found only when we search within us rather than around us. I don’t know…I’m still trying to figure this out.

Socrates summed up happiness in two words "Know thyself," He said that when we know ourselves we know the truth that sets us free, and that’s when we experience true happiness. Then it all boils down to discovering and acknowledging one’s strengths and weaknesses and being comfortable in one’s own skin. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Yet I don’t know many who have been able to do that.

One thing is clear though - happiness is not absolute but relative. Last week, while waiting for a traffic light to turn green, I witnessed an altercation that made me stop short and wonder. A young guy in a swanky car hurled some rather unpleasant adjectives at a peddler, but the peddler just smiled and moved ahead!! Now I guess he had no choice but to walk off since he was hardly in a bargaining position. But why on earth did he smile?? Maybe it was a forgiving smile. But to me, it spoke volumes about the two people. I believe that anyone who abuses is either angry or frustrated. Perhaps the fellow in the car, despite all his affluence, was releasing his frustration by abusing. And perhaps the peddler, despite his poverty, had found enough peace within to be able to forgive. I realized that the peddler was relatively happier…which again brings me back to my initial question…how do you determine what brings happiness??

Personally, I’ve experienced happiness not when I’ve tried hard to find it but when I’ve least expected to; in places where I didn’t go looking for it and with people who I didn’t expect would provide me any; when I’ve found a bright spark in a seemingly dark situation; when I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with something or someone without trying to understand why it was happening; when I've indulged in my favorite chocolate without worrying about the calories; when I’ve measured my life not by the number of breaths I took but by the moments that took my breath away!

For now, I’ve put together a list of things that have brought me happiness in the past, as a reference for those times in future when I desperately feel the need for some….

A true friend
A good conversation
A special glance
Playing with my dog
Taking a drive on a pretty road
Listening to my favorite song
Feeling a cool breeze on my face
Getting wet in the rain
A scoop of Baskin Robbins’ Honey-Nut Ice-Cream

Will try to keep adding to that list. Till then, the search for that elusive meaning of happiness continues…

Writers Block!!

2004-04-25T11:38:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that I'm actually blogging. One of the things I've learnt in life is to keep my thoughts to myself, unless prompted to do otherwise, because they usually don't make sense to anyone else! Not that I'm surprised...given the fact that I usually engage my pea-sized brain in so many activities at the same time that the output is mostly jumbled. And not that I'm complaining either....I hate being predictable. I mean what fun is life if you can't sneak up on someone and say "gotcha!", just when they thought they'd figured you out.

Anyway coming back to the blogging issue. In the last two months, to my utter surprise (read shock), I ran into a few people who actually seemed to understand the jumbled outputs of my mind. Felt great!! "I'm not alone after all!!" But since then, things have taken a rather dangerous turn. The comfort of being understood has so taken over my cautious mind that I've begun to unleash my thoughts on all and sundry like free flyers!! I realized it last evening, when a relatively new accquaintance expressed confusion about my comments on a certain issue....trying to relate what I said to my thinking process and further relate it to my age!!! Poor fellow...little does he know that I'm an anomaly. That I defy all logic when it comes to thought processes. That my thoughts are never processed...they're like a torrential stream...raw, wild and yet profound. But there's no reason that the rest of the world should suffer on my account. So I've decided to spare the innocent and channelize (and try to restrict) all such thoughts to this blog.

This is my "writer's block" (block signifying area/space in this case). A place where i'll come back time and again to record my thoughts. Somewhat like a starship crew's log, it'll contain my observations and opinions as I sail through the unknown space that is life!!